Day 4-it feels like day 444

A bad night of sleep and TOM's visit has made me just sleepy today.  I'm also so hungry!  Every once in a while I have a day where I'm just hungry all day.  It mostly follows restless nights.  Sleep is so important to keeping yourself healthy, keeping your motivation high, and staying on track with making the right choices.  I picked a hard day to be low on energy.  I take spin class every Saturday morning and I had a baby shower to attend today.  This makes for a hard cardio day and lots of food temptation.  Luckily, I had another good morning weigh in:

                       113.2

Workout:

Spin Class-575 calories

I would normally do a nap time workout as well, but I was happily at a baby shower instead.

Diet Breakdown:

Breakfast

-Large banana-110 cal

-1 Tbsp PB2-25 cal

Total: 135

Post Workout snack:

-1 kashi peanut peanut butter bar-140 cal

 Total:140

 

Lunch

-Apple-100 cal

-2 hard boiled egg whites-40 cal

-1 Tbsp PB2-25 cal

-3 celery stalks-15 cal

Total:180

Afternoon Meal

-quick oats-175 cal

-1cup unsweetened almond milk-30 cal

-1/2 cup pumpkin-40 cal

-1 Tbsp walnuts-50 cal

-1 tsp mini chips-50 cal

Total: 345

Dinner

-Salad (romaine-25, carrots-20, onion-5, cauliflower-20, tomatoes-20, mushrooms-10, cheese-50, dressing-30)

180

-Homemade pizza (Lavish bread crust-100, sauce-50, cheese-110, toppings-50)-310

Total:490

Snack

-Greek yogurt with 1Tbsp PB2-105

-Cereal-110 cal

Total 215 

Extra

-1 York peppermint patty-50 cal

-Popcorn-100 cal

Grand Total: 1655 calories

 

I didn't have any cake at the baby shower and it wasn't as hard to turn down as I thought.  Knowing I would have to post it later and that it doesn't fall into my plan helped.  It is okay to have a piece of cake at a baby shower or birthday party.  I just decided I wasn't ready yet.  I'm trying to get my body adjusted to less sugar and cake would have been a huge set back.  I'm thinking of having a little splurge next week to get a break from it all.  Planning it out is the important part!

Day 3: Thankful for the support

It snowed here last night.  About 6 inches or so.  Schools were closed and therefore, the gym daycare was too.  Luckily for me, I have amazing friends and family that support me.  My friend Maria said she could watch my little man (she lives near the gym), but my husband went into work late because of the snow.  He let me get my workout in before he had to go into the office.  He must love me!  My morning weigh in was....

114.4 Pounds

Now, that's a bit more like it.  My pre-shower weigh in was 113.6 pounds and even better!  I still feel heavier than I would like to be, especially in my lower body.  It has only been three days and I've seen more progress than I expected.  Things should slow down now for a bit, but I'm not giving up.

My workout felt very challenging today.  I was pushing so hard, but not able to get my speed up as much.  Luckily, my heart rate was still getting up into my breathless range (170-174).  Today's workout looked like this:

Elliptical

-30min: 2 min warm up, 1 min sprints, 1 min recovery. 

-random program

-level 14 (out of 1-20)

-5 minute cool down: forward motion 1 min, backwards motion 1 min.

Lifting

-Leg extensions: 3 sets of 12 at 55 pounds

-Hamstring curl: 3 sets of 12 at 50 pounds

-Glutes press: 3 sets of 12 at 75 pounds

-Leg adductor: 3 sets of 15 at 150 pounds

-Leg abductor: 3 sets of 15 at 150 pounds

-Leg press: 3 sets of 12 at 120 pounds

Stair climber

-30min: 2 min recovery, 2 min speed

-interval program

-level 17 (out of 1-25)

-5 minute cool down: 1 min reverse leg lift, 1 min single leg squat while skipping a step on both

Stretch

Total Calories Burned: 745

My diet plan for today is as follows: 

Breakfast

-Large banana-110 cal

-1 Tbsp PB2-25 cal

-1 light string cheese-50 cal

Total: 185

Lunch

-Apple-100 cal

-2 hard boiled egg whites-40 cal

-1 Tbsp PB2-25 cal

-3 celery stalks-15 cal

-1 kashi almond flax bar-140 cal

Total: 320

Afternoon Meal

-quick oats-175 cal

-1cup unsweetened almond milk-30 cal

-1/2 cup apple sauce-50 cal

-1 Tbsp walnuts-50 call

Total: 305

Dinner

-Salad (romaine-25, carrots-20, onion-5, cauliflower-20, tomatoes-20, mushrooms-10, cheese-50, dressing-30)

180

-Tomato stuffed with chicken parm meatball-250

Total:440

Snack

-Greek yogurt with 1Tbsp PB2-105

-Cereal-110 cal

Total 215 

Extra

-Popcorn-100 cal
Total: 100

Grand Total: 1565 calories

Overall, I met goals for today. I'm just relieved I was able to workout.  My weak point was snacking on a few almonds during dinner prep.  It's not a big deal, but outside of my plan.  I took pictures today as a starting point.  Here ya go:

Notice the helper's head in my shot.  This was first thing this morning not flexing.

Side view.  Who's legs are those ?!

I'll try for better lighting next week.  It's hard to see how big my butt got :)

A little abs flex.  He had to have a headband like Momma.  Little goof!

Day 2 and already feeling better

My morning weigh in was

116.0 Pounds

Much more reasonable than yesterday.  It's amazing the difference one day can make.  I'm probably still holding onto some extra water weight from unhealthy eating.  I'm hoping I am.  Sweating some of it out yesterday was a big help.  

I was supposed to spend the day in NJ visiting family, but the weather has other plans.  I didn't have anything planned for dinner tonight and my hubby will be out with the guys.  My plan is a big salad with a cheese crusted tilapia filet on top.  Yum!

Today is not a cardio day.  I will do an abs and arms workout during naptime.  Here's the plan:

Super sets:

-20 decline push-ups

-20 arm & leg raises

x3

-20 single arm chest presses (15 pound dumbells)

-20 v-ups

x3

-Lying IYT (15 reps each position)

-20 Russian twists (15 pounds)

-15 Pullovers (15 pounds)

-Plank with knee touch (1 touch each knee and 1 with both x15)

-20 crunch with raise and touch

x3

Total: 100 calories

You'll notice my diet stays about the same with the exception of dinner.  My calorie goal for today is 1200 plus 100 for my workout= 1300 calories.

Here is today's eating plan:

Breakfast

-Large banana-110 cal

-1 Tbsp PB2-25 cal

-1 light string cheese-50 cal

Total: 185

Lunch

-Apple-100 cal

-2 hard boiled egg whites-40 cal

-1 Tbsp PB2-25 cal

-3 celery stalks-15 cal

Total: 180

Afternoon Meal

-quick oats-175 cal

-1cup unsweetened almond milk-30 cal

-1/2 cup unsweetened apple sauce-50 cal

-1 Tbsp walnuts-50 cal

Total: 305

Dinner

-Salad (romaine-25, carrots-20, onion-5, cauliflower-20, tomatoes-20, mushrooms-10, cheese-50,dressing-30)

180

-Tilapia filet with cheese-145

Total: 325

Snack

-Cereal-110 cal

Total: 110

Extra

-1 York peppermint patty-50 cal

-1 dark hot chocolate-60 cal

-1 cup watermelon-50 cal

Grand Total: 1265

I don't include any green tea I drink in the breakdown because it has no calories, but I try to drink at least one cup of it a day.  Overall, I'm still sticking to my goals and not having any major set backs.  The watermelon was an extra I hadn't planned on.  I found myself still hungry an hour after dinner.  I have been resisting the temptation to grab something else or grab bites of my son's food.  It is only day 2.  I hope I'm still doing the same on day 10! 

Well, this is embarrasing....

I set myself up for disaster this morning.  Last night, New Years Eve, I ate sushi, drank wine, and ate sweets.  This morning, I had my first weigh in since before Christmas.  Ouch.  I was not expecting that!  I don't normally weigh myself first thing in the morning, but thought I would start.  I usually hop on the scale before I shower, which is about 3:30 (naptime).  My morning weigh in was....

119.2 Pounds!

That hurts.  That really hurts.  My weight pre-holiday binge was 112 on a bad day.  No, I did not eat 6.2 pounds worth of extra calories in a 10 days.  That would be some serious eating.  I still stuck to my workouts so, that would be quite an insane amount of calories.  I'm guessing at least half of it is water weight.  I also went back and checked my weight at my usual time and it was 117.6 pounds.  That's a little more reasonable, but still more than the 115 I was expecting.  I'm going to go ahead and keep doing morning weigh ins and stick with the 119.2 pounds.  That gives me 9.2 pounds to lose to reach my first goal.  In theory, if I cut back 500 calories a day, I should drop 1 pound a week.  I wish it was that simple.  I have body fat percentage, muscle mass, water weight, body waste, and stomach content to consider.  I will probably drop more weight in the beginning and really struggle to lose in the end.  

I will not torture myself with a picture today.  I'll save that for Friday.  I've had enough disappointment for the day.  I will not get discouraged!  I'm back on track.  I have a plan.  I have you keeping an eye on me.  I will be successful!  I switched up my workouts to increase my cardio and decrease my lifting.  While the extra muscle I've gained is great, my clothes disagree and so do I.  My legs and butt have gained most of the muscle mass and my pants just can't handle it.  I'm still lifting and pushing myself, but not to failure like I was.  Today's workout looked like this:

Elliptical

-30min: 2 min warm up, 1 min sprints, 1 min recovery. 

-random program

-level 14 (out of 1-20)

-5 minute cool down: forward motion 1 min, backwards motion 1 min.

Lifting

-Leg extensions: 3 sets of 12 at 55 pounds

-Hamstring curl: 3 sets of 12 at 50 pounds

-Glutes press: 3 sets of 12 at 75 pounds

-Leg adductor: 3 sets of 15 at 150 pounds

-Leg abductor: out of order

-Leg press: 3 sets of 12 at 120 pounds

Stair climber

-30min: 2 min recovery, 2 min speed

-interval program

-lever 17 (out of 1-25)

-5 minute cool down: 1 min reverse leg lift, 1 min single leg squat while skipping a step on both

Stretch

Total Calories Burned: 750 exactly

I'm going to have to do a little trial and error with my diet.  I like to start my daily calories at 1200 and add my workout calories burned to get my total intake for the day.  Today, that would put me at 1950.  

Breakfast

-Large banana-110 cal

-1 Tbsp PB2-25 cal

-1 light string cheese-50 cal

Total: 185

Lunch

-Apple-100 cal

-2 hard boiled egg whites-40 cal

-1 Tbsp PB2-25 cal

-3 celery stalks-15 cal

-1 kashi almond flax bar-140 cal

Total: 320

Afternoon Meal

-quick oats-175 cal

-1cup unsweetened almond milk-30 cal

-1/2 cup pumpkin-40 cal

-1 Tbsp walnuts-50 cal

-1 tsp mini chips-50 cal

Total: 345

Dinner

-Salad (romaine-25, carrots-20, onion-5, cauliflower-20, tomatoes-20, mushrooms-10, cheese-50, dressing-30)

180

-Tomato stuffed with chicken parm meatball-250

Total:440

Snack

-Greek yogurt with 1Tbsp PB2-105

-Cereal-110 cal

Total 215 

Extra

-1 York peppermint patty-50 cal

Grand Total: 1555 calories

Overall, I met goals for today.  It's okay that I'm low on my calories today, but I can't make it a regular thing.  Tomorrow I travel to NJ for the day .  It's harder to eat healthy when you aren't at home.  One day down :)

The 4 days of Christmas and a new start.

Christmas is not my favorite holiday.  The season is filled with too much stress for me to really enjoy it.  Now Thanksgiving, that's a day I can get excited about.  Family, food, and none of the stress of choosing the right gift, wrapping, getting together with everyone, holiday budgets, and days of celebration.  It is all worth it to see the light in my son's eyes on Christmas morning, but I'm always so relieved when its over.  I would happily give up every gift I receive to eliminate some of the holiday craziness.

I did something a little different for myself this year.  I gave myself 4 days off of watching what I eat.  I gave in to every craving, ate second and thirds, had a whole plate of cookies, and ate more carbs in one meal than I do on an average day.  I have been dieting or eating clean for five years or more.  I thought it was time I over do it.  It is now Christmas day and the last day of my indulging.  I cannot wait to get back to a healthy diet.  Here are some of the things I have noticed over the last 4 days:

• I get headaches daily.  
• None of my clothes fit.  
• My legs are swollen to twice their normal size. 
• I can't sleep and wake often.
• I hate the way my body looks and feels.
• Going out in public is embarrassing.
• My digestive system is all thrown off.

I'm not sure if it was worth it.  In a way, I think my psyche needed it.  I needed to go to the opposite extreme of healthy eating.  It was a big reminder of why I do eat healthy.  I have been struggling with cravings and sticking to my healthy eating goals lately.  My hope is that this puts me back on track.  Or I may have just set myself up to have even more weight to shed.  Only time will tell.  I get back on track tomorrow and am giving myself a week to detox before I step on the scale to evaluate the damage.

Like many of you, I will be starting fresh for the New Year.  Each day I will post my weight, diet, workout, and any shortcomings (fatigue, indulgences, skipped workouts).  This should help me stay on track and make me accountable for my actions.  Its easy to say  you're going to do something, but completely different to put it in writing for anyone to see.  I will also take weekly pictures and post them to have a visual of my progress.  We leave for a cruise on April 26th.  I'm not allowing myself to buy any new clothes until I reach my goals.  Here are my goals:

1. Get down to 110 pounds and maintain it.  Sometimes you get a fluke good weigh in and don't hit it again for weeks or at all.  I want to reach 110 pounds and stay there for at least 5 subsequent weigh ins.  I will decide to maintain this number or possibly lose a few more pounds when I get there.  My ideal comfort weight is 105.  This is the weight where I feel the best in my clothes and am most comfortable with my body.  I may have put on too much muscle the last six months to get down to 105 without damaging my metabolism and health.  110 is doable and healthy.
2. No binge eating or mindless snacking.  This is something I struggle with continuously.  It is a source of stress relief in the moment.  This problem with that is that it contributes to my stress immediately after and sometimes for days later.  I have very elevated cortisol levels (your body's stress hormone), which causes belly fat, cravings, and fatigue among other things.  These are the major side effects for me.  This is an all or nothing goal.  It is time to kick this habit for good.  My meals will be planned and I will stick to the plan for the day.
3. Take a yoga class.  I have always wanted to try it and think it would be a great addition to my workout routine.  I do not have to do it regularly or even more than once.  I just have to break out of my comfort zone and try it.

My second goal will be the hardest.  Each time I binge eat, I have to put a stone in a jar.  Each stone represents a week longer I have to wait before clothes shopping.  I need a harsh method to keep myself on track.  I want new clothes badly enough to stay on track.

This method may not work for everyone.  Some of you may be reading this and thinking to yourself that you would just cheat, lie to yourself, or reward yourself even if you don't reach your goals.  I'm not built like that.  I'm a planner, organized, determined, and demanding.  I'm also obsessive.  Even the thought of cheating, lying or buying myself clothes before I hit my goals makes me a little crazy and angry.  Yes, angry.  All of this is easy to imagine and plan out after 4 days of eating anything and everything.  There will be very hard days and there will be easy days.  I will build in a few 'cheat meals' every couple of weeks to give myself a break and keep me from giving up altogether.  I'm hoping 2014 is my healthiest year yet.  I hope it is for you too.

 

The Mom's of Two

My little person is two.  I should say: My little person is TWO!  I'm up to my eye balls in it.  Every where I look, he's TWO.  Two is tough.  Two is exhausting.  Two is frustrating.  Two is stressful.  I'm over two.  Here is a typical day in the life of a Mom of Two.

Not wanting to take Christmas pictures.

I wake up about 15 minutes early to get myself together before going in to wake up my guy.  He grumbles at me, complains he doesn't want to get out of bed, demands to be held a particular way (it varies), and finally departs from his bed.  We take off his diaper and this where the fun begins.  I tell him what we are going to do today.  I like him to be prepared for what's coming.

Sleeping Beauty

I go brush my teeth and tell him to come in when he's ready.  He fusses and says "I don't want to brush my teeth".  I walk away.  He meanders into the bathroom and says: "UP!".  I remind him to use his manners and he says: "up please".  Now we fight the teeth brushing battle.  He wants to turn on the water.  He wants to help with the tooth paste.  He wants to brush the window with his tooth brush.  He does not want to give Momma a turn.  He wants to lay down on the counter to brush his teeth.  He wants to sit on the window sill to brush his teeth.  He wants to brush the sink instead of his teeth.  He wants, he wants, he wants, he wants!  I have now spent the last 5 minutes attempting to get my son to brush his teeth and allow me to actually brush his teeth without having a melt down and a big mess.  I'm just happy its over and I made it through without yelling.

Afterwards, I get dressed and tell him it is time to get dressed.  At this point, he is either in my closet trying to open all of my drawers or yelling that he has to go potty as soon as I get undressed.  He does his pee pee on the little potty and we excitedly flush it down the big potty (with him trying to do it himself and fussing because its a Momma job).  He then complains about getting dressed.  He doesn't want socks.  He doesn't want pants.  He wants the Batman shirt.  No, he doesn't want the Batman shirt.  He wants the Lightening McQueen shirt.  He doesn't want to wear his sweatshirt.  He wants to wear his pajamas again.  Somehow, we manage to get dressed.  It is now 30 minutes into our day.  I'm beat!

Some days slippers are the deal maker

Mealtime have become quite the challenge in our house.  My guy used to love to eat and polish off everything I gave him.  Those days are long gone.  I give him the option of pancakes or waffles.  He wants pancakes.  As I'm warming up his pancakes (I bake a big batch of whole wheat ones and freeze them), he comes in and starts crying because he wants waffles.  I don't give in and tell him he can choose waffles next time.  He has been playing in his playroom while I fix breakfast.  There has been a lot of fussying and running into the kitchen because things aren't working how he wants them to.  I remind him to use his words and ask for help.  He says, "ASK?" in a question voice meaning he wants help.  I remind him to say, "help me please."  He mimics me and I stop every few minutes to help him and them repeat the process.  Can we just eat already?!  My son is required to clean up his toys before we eat, leave the house, or go to bed/nap.  He screams.  He tries to argue with me.  He tells me no.  He throws himself on the floor.  I try to stay calm and tell him to pick up his toys.  15 minutes later he's crying and I'm yelling.  Now, I immediately feel guilty for yelling.  We still haven't eaten breakfast and its 8:30.  Toys are put away and we eat.  He wants to help put on the syrup.  He wants to fling his fork everywhere.  He doesn't want apple sauce.  He starts fussing because the pancake won't stay on the fork.  He wants me to do it.  He does not want me to do it.  He wants to lick his pancakes and drops it on the floor in the process.  He cries because I throw that piece away.  He eats two bites and says he's all done.  Half way threw he insists he needs to go potty (even though I sat him on the potty right before we started eating).  It is now 9:00.  I'm finished eating.  My two year old is trying to take his socks off at the table and turning his milk cup upside down to see how many drips he can get out before I correct him.  Thank God its a gym day!  By some sort of miracle I'm able to do the dishes and vacuum before we leave for the gym.  Well, after he fusses about putting on his shoes, tries to run away while I'm getting his coat on, and insists he needs a stuffed animal to accompany him on the ride.

Yes, I cut shapes in his pancakes and he loves it.

We arrive at the gym and he runs ahead to Kidcare.  MOMMY TIME!  Yay, stress relief, mind numbing cardio, burning muscles and lots of sweat.  Oh wait, they come to get me because he says he has to go potty (he didn't).  I stop half way through my workout to take him to go potty as I always do.  This whole potty thing is way too much work.  Feeling better, I go to pick him up and he throws a fit.  He screams, "five more minutes."  I ask them to grab him (parents aren't allowed behind the entry gate).  Away we go after I struggle to get his coat on again.

He insisted on wearing Daddy's hat.

My child hates to shop.  He hates the grocery store, Target, Walmart, the mall, and just about anything that involves him sitting in a cart of stroller.  Today, I have to stop by the grocery store on our way home.  I occasionally allow him to push the mini cart around the store, but only when I need 3 or 4 things.  Its a full time verbal diatribe when he gets the mini cart.  He is hell on wheels and heaven help anything or anyone in his path.  My son also strongly dislikes sitting with his legs out in front of him.  He always pulls his feet into the seat of the cart with him.  He then proceeds to take off his shoes.  No matter how many times I correct him, he always does it.  I continually put them back on him and tell him he has to wear them.  By the third time, I'm so relieved to be heading towards the checkout.

Not loving the stroller

Once home I attempt to get him into the house without touching my husband's motorcycle (we have lost toys down the tailpipe) and take off his shoes, jacket, and pull-up.  I unpack the groceries while he plays.  Lunch is pretty much the same as breakfast.  Eating meals is so over rated.  I clean up my dishes and our quiet time begins.  We play blocks, read books, do chores together (he likes to press the button on the washer), and pretty much do whatever he wants to occupy the next hour.  Even this free time is full of tantrums and attitude.  He gets so frustrated and fussy.  We have 30min of TV time (usually Super Why or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse).  He snuggles up with me under the blanket and watches his show while I read my book.  Its one of my favorite parts of the day.  The show ends and he freaks out.  His latest trend is pushing me and telling me not to turn it off.  I'm doing what I can to kick that new habit.  He likes to press the buttons on the remote to turn off the TV, which I allow if he behaves properly.  It is finally 2:00 and naptime.  Thank you naptime.  We potty, put on a diaper, pick to stuffed animals to sleep with, and he climbs into bed.  My work here is done!  At least for a few hours.

He loves the motorcycle

I know all of this is a lot of complaining and regular two year old behavior.  I just don't know how other Mom's do it.  I'm so exhausted from having the same arguments every day.  Nothing has changed.  I don't give in to him not brushing his teeth, eating, cleaning up, etc.  The day is filled with dozens of little battles and that's just the planned things.  Playdates, special trips, doctors appointments, or other occasional activities present their own problems.

Things are not all bad or I wouldn't still be a SAHM.  I get to do exactly what I want to do for a living.  I spend my day with my child.  I get to teach him, watch him grow and learn, see him explore his world, and know that he's well taken care of.  Sending him to full time daycare would break my heart.  I would be in a constant state of worry (as I'm sure many working Mom's are).  I love being the first person my son sees in the morning.  I love being the one to fix him meals.  I love being there in the moment to celebrate his accomplishments and encourage him to try things.  I love seeing him smile when we do something fun.  I love being the one he runs to when he's hurt or scared.  I'm his Momma and I'm always here.  He is confident that he can count on me to be there for him, to follow through with my words, and keep him safe.  Nothing matters more to me than my son.  Two is a hard age.  I've heard three is even harder.  I pray my consistency pays off one of these days.  I can't even tell you what I would give to have him listen for an entire morning.  Its a small wish from me, but a huge task for a two year old.  One day I will be arguing with him over curfews, buying ridiculously expensive sneakers or game systems, going to parties, or who knows!  I'll wish for these days when I could keep my baby safe with me and argue with him to clean up his toys.  I'll wish I could make him smile by simply asking him if he wants to paint a picture or pretend to be dinosaurs.  This is what I tell myself when days are hard.  Sometimes it helps and others not so much.  I love this crazy, stubborn, demanding, and creative little boy with all of my being (as I watch him nap on the monitor).  I also love nap time!

He does have his moments!

Why did we have to buy a house with so many doors and windows?

Long time, no talk!  I have been so busy these last few months.  Some good, some bad and some crazy.  Bless me Father, for I have sinned.  It has been 3 months since my last blog post.  OOOPS!  Well, I'm back with a few updates to our little corner of the world.  Let's start with the good: The House!

The House

I am proud to announce that two of our crazy rose trees have been relocated,  Whew.  I will happily never do that again.  We had to wait to relocate them until the weather turned cold and they stopped blooming.  Here are the beautiful beasts.

They now reside on the right side of the house by my still empty planter boxes.

They are still alive just no color this time of year.

I have also painted all of the horrible cream colored trim on the main level to a beautiful bright white.  Two coats I might add.  The entire time I was painting trim, I hated every window, every sill, every door frame and every bit of molding in my house.  Our living room alone has six windows, one door frame, baseboards and crown molding.  Our kitchen and dining area has six door frames, two windows, baseboards and crown molding.  Our formal dining room (turned playroom) has one window, baseboards, crown molding and chair rail molding.  Our foyer has three door frames, stairs, and baseboards.  I'm on trim overload.  Yes, it took me a very long time to finish, but finish I did!  Someone give me a sticker or something.

My counter has looked like this far too long.  Putting that paint can away was a happy day.

I would like to be telling you that I'm finished with the main level, but I'm not quite there.  I have to touch up the wall color, paint a few doors and replace one door handle.  We have been replacing the ugly brass hardware with brushed nickel as we paint.  The only room left is the future library, which now houses our big dog.  I'm going to take a break from the downstairs and the lovely white I am so tired of painting with.  Next stop, little man's room.

Family

One of the many pumpkin patches we visited.

I would say this is the crazy aspect of the last few months.  I have been super Momma!  We go on playdates, attend a ton of storytimes, family days, festivals, carnivals, fairs, and everything in between.  It has been a blast.  This is the part where I brag about my little toddler.  My son is a handful and then some, but he is so smart.  He has become fascinated with letters and their sounds.  He tries to spell and create words.  I'm blown away by how much he knows.  We have been working on potty training these last few weeks.  Progress is slow, but we're in no rush.  I just need him to be potty trained by his third birthday.  Why?  We are going on a Disney Cruise!  In five months, we will be sailing away on a dream come true.  Children must be three and potty trained to go into the kids club.  I'm hopeful we will be there.  

Waiting for Santa on our most recent play date.

If that wasn't enough, we have been hanging out with family when we can and made it to NJ for a visit!  Now, if only we could drive to TX as easily for a quick visit with the other side of our family.  My incredible husband and I celebrated our four year anniversary and actually went out to see a movie.  I stayed awake through the whole thing too.  Thirty has never seemed so old.  Our house has been a happy house filled with a ton of fun.

Our Anniversary night out.

Me-Me-Me-Me

Face mask fun with my boy.  Trying to clear up my complexion thanks to my hormone imbalance.

Most of my personal battle has been with my complete lack of motivation to snack less and my emotional battle with the scale.  I'm taking one step forward to be shoved two steps back.  It is exhausting, deflating, and depressing.  Yet, here I am trucking right along.  I have finally kicked my late night snacking habit, reduced my sugar intake significantly and added more protein to my diet.  My workouts are consistent and hard.  They just aren't getting me anywhere with the way my clothes fit, the image in the mirror or the number on the scale.  I'm determined to keep going and not give up.  I want to go back to tons of cardio and low calories, but those days are long gone.  I'm healthy, but not really happy.  It is one day at a time for now and trying to focus on the big picture.  There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel or I might just break.  I'm beyond wishing and pretending it is okay.  I've reached praying, pleading and the bottom of my self esteem.  This would be the bad.  "Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart."