The 4 days of Christmas and a new start.

Christmas is not my favorite holiday.  The season is filled with too much stress for me to really enjoy it.  Now Thanksgiving, that's a day I can get excited about.  Family, food, and none of the stress of choosing the right gift, wrapping, getting together with everyone, holiday budgets, and days of celebration.  It is all worth it to see the light in my son's eyes on Christmas morning, but I'm always so relieved when its over.  I would happily give up every gift I receive to eliminate some of the holiday craziness.

I did something a little different for myself this year.  I gave myself 4 days off of watching what I eat.  I gave in to every craving, ate second and thirds, had a whole plate of cookies, and ate more carbs in one meal than I do on an average day.  I have been dieting or eating clean for five years or more.  I thought it was time I over do it.  It is now Christmas day and the last day of my indulging.  I cannot wait to get back to a healthy diet.  Here are some of the things I have noticed over the last 4 days:

• I get headaches daily.  
• None of my clothes fit.  
• My legs are swollen to twice their normal size. 
• I can't sleep and wake often.
• I hate the way my body looks and feels.
• Going out in public is embarrassing.
• My digestive system is all thrown off.

I'm not sure if it was worth it.  In a way, I think my psyche needed it.  I needed to go to the opposite extreme of healthy eating.  It was a big reminder of why I do eat healthy.  I have been struggling with cravings and sticking to my healthy eating goals lately.  My hope is that this puts me back on track.  Or I may have just set myself up to have even more weight to shed.  Only time will tell.  I get back on track tomorrow and am giving myself a week to detox before I step on the scale to evaluate the damage.

Like many of you, I will be starting fresh for the New Year.  Each day I will post my weight, diet, workout, and any shortcomings (fatigue, indulgences, skipped workouts).  This should help me stay on track and make me accountable for my actions.  Its easy to say  you're going to do something, but completely different to put it in writing for anyone to see.  I will also take weekly pictures and post them to have a visual of my progress.  We leave for a cruise on April 26th.  I'm not allowing myself to buy any new clothes until I reach my goals.  Here are my goals:

1. Get down to 110 pounds and maintain it.  Sometimes you get a fluke good weigh in and don't hit it again for weeks or at all.  I want to reach 110 pounds and stay there for at least 5 subsequent weigh ins.  I will decide to maintain this number or possibly lose a few more pounds when I get there.  My ideal comfort weight is 105.  This is the weight where I feel the best in my clothes and am most comfortable with my body.  I may have put on too much muscle the last six months to get down to 105 without damaging my metabolism and health.  110 is doable and healthy.
2. No binge eating or mindless snacking.  This is something I struggle with continuously.  It is a source of stress relief in the moment.  This problem with that is that it contributes to my stress immediately after and sometimes for days later.  I have very elevated cortisol levels (your body's stress hormone), which causes belly fat, cravings, and fatigue among other things.  These are the major side effects for me.  This is an all or nothing goal.  It is time to kick this habit for good.  My meals will be planned and I will stick to the plan for the day.
3. Take a yoga class.  I have always wanted to try it and think it would be a great addition to my workout routine.  I do not have to do it regularly or even more than once.  I just have to break out of my comfort zone and try it.

My second goal will be the hardest.  Each time I binge eat, I have to put a stone in a jar.  Each stone represents a week longer I have to wait before clothes shopping.  I need a harsh method to keep myself on track.  I want new clothes badly enough to stay on track.

This method may not work for everyone.  Some of you may be reading this and thinking to yourself that you would just cheat, lie to yourself, or reward yourself even if you don't reach your goals.  I'm not built like that.  I'm a planner, organized, determined, and demanding.  I'm also obsessive.  Even the thought of cheating, lying or buying myself clothes before I hit my goals makes me a little crazy and angry.  Yes, angry.  All of this is easy to imagine and plan out after 4 days of eating anything and everything.  There will be very hard days and there will be easy days.  I will build in a few 'cheat meals' every couple of weeks to give myself a break and keep me from giving up altogether.  I'm hoping 2014 is my healthiest year yet.  I hope it is for you too.