The 4 days of Christmas and a new start.

Christmas is not my favorite holiday.  The season is filled with too much stress for me to really enjoy it.  Now Thanksgiving, that's a day I can get excited about.  Family, food, and none of the stress of choosing the right gift, wrapping, getting together with everyone, holiday budgets, and days of celebration.  It is all worth it to see the light in my son's eyes on Christmas morning, but I'm always so relieved when its over.  I would happily give up every gift I receive to eliminate some of the holiday craziness.

I did something a little different for myself this year.  I gave myself 4 days off of watching what I eat.  I gave in to every craving, ate second and thirds, had a whole plate of cookies, and ate more carbs in one meal than I do on an average day.  I have been dieting or eating clean for five years or more.  I thought it was time I over do it.  It is now Christmas day and the last day of my indulging.  I cannot wait to get back to a healthy diet.  Here are some of the things I have noticed over the last 4 days:

• I get headaches daily.  
• None of my clothes fit.  
• My legs are swollen to twice their normal size. 
• I can't sleep and wake often.
• I hate the way my body looks and feels.
• Going out in public is embarrassing.
• My digestive system is all thrown off.

I'm not sure if it was worth it.  In a way, I think my psyche needed it.  I needed to go to the opposite extreme of healthy eating.  It was a big reminder of why I do eat healthy.  I have been struggling with cravings and sticking to my healthy eating goals lately.  My hope is that this puts me back on track.  Or I may have just set myself up to have even more weight to shed.  Only time will tell.  I get back on track tomorrow and am giving myself a week to detox before I step on the scale to evaluate the damage.

Like many of you, I will be starting fresh for the New Year.  Each day I will post my weight, diet, workout, and any shortcomings (fatigue, indulgences, skipped workouts).  This should help me stay on track and make me accountable for my actions.  Its easy to say  you're going to do something, but completely different to put it in writing for anyone to see.  I will also take weekly pictures and post them to have a visual of my progress.  We leave for a cruise on April 26th.  I'm not allowing myself to buy any new clothes until I reach my goals.  Here are my goals:

1. Get down to 110 pounds and maintain it.  Sometimes you get a fluke good weigh in and don't hit it again for weeks or at all.  I want to reach 110 pounds and stay there for at least 5 subsequent weigh ins.  I will decide to maintain this number or possibly lose a few more pounds when I get there.  My ideal comfort weight is 105.  This is the weight where I feel the best in my clothes and am most comfortable with my body.  I may have put on too much muscle the last six months to get down to 105 without damaging my metabolism and health.  110 is doable and healthy.
2. No binge eating or mindless snacking.  This is something I struggle with continuously.  It is a source of stress relief in the moment.  This problem with that is that it contributes to my stress immediately after and sometimes for days later.  I have very elevated cortisol levels (your body's stress hormone), which causes belly fat, cravings, and fatigue among other things.  These are the major side effects for me.  This is an all or nothing goal.  It is time to kick this habit for good.  My meals will be planned and I will stick to the plan for the day.
3. Take a yoga class.  I have always wanted to try it and think it would be a great addition to my workout routine.  I do not have to do it regularly or even more than once.  I just have to break out of my comfort zone and try it.

My second goal will be the hardest.  Each time I binge eat, I have to put a stone in a jar.  Each stone represents a week longer I have to wait before clothes shopping.  I need a harsh method to keep myself on track.  I want new clothes badly enough to stay on track.

This method may not work for everyone.  Some of you may be reading this and thinking to yourself that you would just cheat, lie to yourself, or reward yourself even if you don't reach your goals.  I'm not built like that.  I'm a planner, organized, determined, and demanding.  I'm also obsessive.  Even the thought of cheating, lying or buying myself clothes before I hit my goals makes me a little crazy and angry.  Yes, angry.  All of this is easy to imagine and plan out after 4 days of eating anything and everything.  There will be very hard days and there will be easy days.  I will build in a few 'cheat meals' every couple of weeks to give myself a break and keep me from giving up altogether.  I'm hoping 2014 is my healthiest year yet.  I hope it is for you too.

 

The Mom's of Two

My little person is two.  I should say: My little person is TWO!  I'm up to my eye balls in it.  Every where I look, he's TWO.  Two is tough.  Two is exhausting.  Two is frustrating.  Two is stressful.  I'm over two.  Here is a typical day in the life of a Mom of Two.

Not wanting to take Christmas pictures.

I wake up about 15 minutes early to get myself together before going in to wake up my guy.  He grumbles at me, complains he doesn't want to get out of bed, demands to be held a particular way (it varies), and finally departs from his bed.  We take off his diaper and this where the fun begins.  I tell him what we are going to do today.  I like him to be prepared for what's coming.

Sleeping Beauty

I go brush my teeth and tell him to come in when he's ready.  He fusses and says "I don't want to brush my teeth".  I walk away.  He meanders into the bathroom and says: "UP!".  I remind him to use his manners and he says: "up please".  Now we fight the teeth brushing battle.  He wants to turn on the water.  He wants to help with the tooth paste.  He wants to brush the window with his tooth brush.  He does not want to give Momma a turn.  He wants to lay down on the counter to brush his teeth.  He wants to sit on the window sill to brush his teeth.  He wants to brush the sink instead of his teeth.  He wants, he wants, he wants, he wants!  I have now spent the last 5 minutes attempting to get my son to brush his teeth and allow me to actually brush his teeth without having a melt down and a big mess.  I'm just happy its over and I made it through without yelling.

Afterwards, I get dressed and tell him it is time to get dressed.  At this point, he is either in my closet trying to open all of my drawers or yelling that he has to go potty as soon as I get undressed.  He does his pee pee on the little potty and we excitedly flush it down the big potty (with him trying to do it himself and fussing because its a Momma job).  He then complains about getting dressed.  He doesn't want socks.  He doesn't want pants.  He wants the Batman shirt.  No, he doesn't want the Batman shirt.  He wants the Lightening McQueen shirt.  He doesn't want to wear his sweatshirt.  He wants to wear his pajamas again.  Somehow, we manage to get dressed.  It is now 30 minutes into our day.  I'm beat!

Some days slippers are the deal maker

Mealtime have become quite the challenge in our house.  My guy used to love to eat and polish off everything I gave him.  Those days are long gone.  I give him the option of pancakes or waffles.  He wants pancakes.  As I'm warming up his pancakes (I bake a big batch of whole wheat ones and freeze them), he comes in and starts crying because he wants waffles.  I don't give in and tell him he can choose waffles next time.  He has been playing in his playroom while I fix breakfast.  There has been a lot of fussying and running into the kitchen because things aren't working how he wants them to.  I remind him to use his words and ask for help.  He says, "ASK?" in a question voice meaning he wants help.  I remind him to say, "help me please."  He mimics me and I stop every few minutes to help him and them repeat the process.  Can we just eat already?!  My son is required to clean up his toys before we eat, leave the house, or go to bed/nap.  He screams.  He tries to argue with me.  He tells me no.  He throws himself on the floor.  I try to stay calm and tell him to pick up his toys.  15 minutes later he's crying and I'm yelling.  Now, I immediately feel guilty for yelling.  We still haven't eaten breakfast and its 8:30.  Toys are put away and we eat.  He wants to help put on the syrup.  He wants to fling his fork everywhere.  He doesn't want apple sauce.  He starts fussing because the pancake won't stay on the fork.  He wants me to do it.  He does not want me to do it.  He wants to lick his pancakes and drops it on the floor in the process.  He cries because I throw that piece away.  He eats two bites and says he's all done.  Half way threw he insists he needs to go potty (even though I sat him on the potty right before we started eating).  It is now 9:00.  I'm finished eating.  My two year old is trying to take his socks off at the table and turning his milk cup upside down to see how many drips he can get out before I correct him.  Thank God its a gym day!  By some sort of miracle I'm able to do the dishes and vacuum before we leave for the gym.  Well, after he fusses about putting on his shoes, tries to run away while I'm getting his coat on, and insists he needs a stuffed animal to accompany him on the ride.

Yes, I cut shapes in his pancakes and he loves it.

We arrive at the gym and he runs ahead to Kidcare.  MOMMY TIME!  Yay, stress relief, mind numbing cardio, burning muscles and lots of sweat.  Oh wait, they come to get me because he says he has to go potty (he didn't).  I stop half way through my workout to take him to go potty as I always do.  This whole potty thing is way too much work.  Feeling better, I go to pick him up and he throws a fit.  He screams, "five more minutes."  I ask them to grab him (parents aren't allowed behind the entry gate).  Away we go after I struggle to get his coat on again.

He insisted on wearing Daddy's hat.

My child hates to shop.  He hates the grocery store, Target, Walmart, the mall, and just about anything that involves him sitting in a cart of stroller.  Today, I have to stop by the grocery store on our way home.  I occasionally allow him to push the mini cart around the store, but only when I need 3 or 4 things.  Its a full time verbal diatribe when he gets the mini cart.  He is hell on wheels and heaven help anything or anyone in his path.  My son also strongly dislikes sitting with his legs out in front of him.  He always pulls his feet into the seat of the cart with him.  He then proceeds to take off his shoes.  No matter how many times I correct him, he always does it.  I continually put them back on him and tell him he has to wear them.  By the third time, I'm so relieved to be heading towards the checkout.

Not loving the stroller

Once home I attempt to get him into the house without touching my husband's motorcycle (we have lost toys down the tailpipe) and take off his shoes, jacket, and pull-up.  I unpack the groceries while he plays.  Lunch is pretty much the same as breakfast.  Eating meals is so over rated.  I clean up my dishes and our quiet time begins.  We play blocks, read books, do chores together (he likes to press the button on the washer), and pretty much do whatever he wants to occupy the next hour.  Even this free time is full of tantrums and attitude.  He gets so frustrated and fussy.  We have 30min of TV time (usually Super Why or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse).  He snuggles up with me under the blanket and watches his show while I read my book.  Its one of my favorite parts of the day.  The show ends and he freaks out.  His latest trend is pushing me and telling me not to turn it off.  I'm doing what I can to kick that new habit.  He likes to press the buttons on the remote to turn off the TV, which I allow if he behaves properly.  It is finally 2:00 and naptime.  Thank you naptime.  We potty, put on a diaper, pick to stuffed animals to sleep with, and he climbs into bed.  My work here is done!  At least for a few hours.

He loves the motorcycle

I know all of this is a lot of complaining and regular two year old behavior.  I just don't know how other Mom's do it.  I'm so exhausted from having the same arguments every day.  Nothing has changed.  I don't give in to him not brushing his teeth, eating, cleaning up, etc.  The day is filled with dozens of little battles and that's just the planned things.  Playdates, special trips, doctors appointments, or other occasional activities present their own problems.

Things are not all bad or I wouldn't still be a SAHM.  I get to do exactly what I want to do for a living.  I spend my day with my child.  I get to teach him, watch him grow and learn, see him explore his world, and know that he's well taken care of.  Sending him to full time daycare would break my heart.  I would be in a constant state of worry (as I'm sure many working Mom's are).  I love being the first person my son sees in the morning.  I love being the one to fix him meals.  I love being there in the moment to celebrate his accomplishments and encourage him to try things.  I love seeing him smile when we do something fun.  I love being the one he runs to when he's hurt or scared.  I'm his Momma and I'm always here.  He is confident that he can count on me to be there for him, to follow through with my words, and keep him safe.  Nothing matters more to me than my son.  Two is a hard age.  I've heard three is even harder.  I pray my consistency pays off one of these days.  I can't even tell you what I would give to have him listen for an entire morning.  Its a small wish from me, but a huge task for a two year old.  One day I will be arguing with him over curfews, buying ridiculously expensive sneakers or game systems, going to parties, or who knows!  I'll wish for these days when I could keep my baby safe with me and argue with him to clean up his toys.  I'll wish I could make him smile by simply asking him if he wants to paint a picture or pretend to be dinosaurs.  This is what I tell myself when days are hard.  Sometimes it helps and others not so much.  I love this crazy, stubborn, demanding, and creative little boy with all of my being (as I watch him nap on the monitor).  I also love nap time!

He does have his moments!

Why did we have to buy a house with so many doors and windows?

Long time, no talk!  I have been so busy these last few months.  Some good, some bad and some crazy.  Bless me Father, for I have sinned.  It has been 3 months since my last blog post.  OOOPS!  Well, I'm back with a few updates to our little corner of the world.  Let's start with the good: The House!

The House

I am proud to announce that two of our crazy rose trees have been relocated,  Whew.  I will happily never do that again.  We had to wait to relocate them until the weather turned cold and they stopped blooming.  Here are the beautiful beasts.

They now reside on the right side of the house by my still empty planter boxes.

They are still alive just no color this time of year.

I have also painted all of the horrible cream colored trim on the main level to a beautiful bright white.  Two coats I might add.  The entire time I was painting trim, I hated every window, every sill, every door frame and every bit of molding in my house.  Our living room alone has six windows, one door frame, baseboards and crown molding.  Our kitchen and dining area has six door frames, two windows, baseboards and crown molding.  Our formal dining room (turned playroom) has one window, baseboards, crown molding and chair rail molding.  Our foyer has three door frames, stairs, and baseboards.  I'm on trim overload.  Yes, it took me a very long time to finish, but finish I did!  Someone give me a sticker or something.

My counter has looked like this far too long.  Putting that paint can away was a happy day.

I would like to be telling you that I'm finished with the main level, but I'm not quite there.  I have to touch up the wall color, paint a few doors and replace one door handle.  We have been replacing the ugly brass hardware with brushed nickel as we paint.  The only room left is the future library, which now houses our big dog.  I'm going to take a break from the downstairs and the lovely white I am so tired of painting with.  Next stop, little man's room.

Family

One of the many pumpkin patches we visited.

I would say this is the crazy aspect of the last few months.  I have been super Momma!  We go on playdates, attend a ton of storytimes, family days, festivals, carnivals, fairs, and everything in between.  It has been a blast.  This is the part where I brag about my little toddler.  My son is a handful and then some, but he is so smart.  He has become fascinated with letters and their sounds.  He tries to spell and create words.  I'm blown away by how much he knows.  We have been working on potty training these last few weeks.  Progress is slow, but we're in no rush.  I just need him to be potty trained by his third birthday.  Why?  We are going on a Disney Cruise!  In five months, we will be sailing away on a dream come true.  Children must be three and potty trained to go into the kids club.  I'm hopeful we will be there.  

Waiting for Santa on our most recent play date.

If that wasn't enough, we have been hanging out with family when we can and made it to NJ for a visit!  Now, if only we could drive to TX as easily for a quick visit with the other side of our family.  My incredible husband and I celebrated our four year anniversary and actually went out to see a movie.  I stayed awake through the whole thing too.  Thirty has never seemed so old.  Our house has been a happy house filled with a ton of fun.

Our Anniversary night out.

Me-Me-Me-Me

Face mask fun with my boy.  Trying to clear up my complexion thanks to my hormone imbalance.

Most of my personal battle has been with my complete lack of motivation to snack less and my emotional battle with the scale.  I'm taking one step forward to be shoved two steps back.  It is exhausting, deflating, and depressing.  Yet, here I am trucking right along.  I have finally kicked my late night snacking habit, reduced my sugar intake significantly and added more protein to my diet.  My workouts are consistent and hard.  They just aren't getting me anywhere with the way my clothes fit, the image in the mirror or the number on the scale.  I'm determined to keep going and not give up.  I want to go back to tons of cardio and low calories, but those days are long gone.  I'm healthy, but not really happy.  It is one day at a time for now and trying to focus on the big picture.  There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel or I might just break.  I'm beyond wishing and pretending it is okay.  I've reached praying, pleading and the bottom of my self esteem.  This would be the bad.  "Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart." 

Take this door and shove it.

Dogs!  Yup, we have one.  She's a hundred pound German Shepherd.  Our Tej is about 7 and loves our new yard.  The previous owners had a dog as well.  They chose to install a doggy door for their dog.  I hate doggy doors.  Doggy doors make it that much easier for people to break into your house.  I especially hated our inherited doggy door because it was in the main, family dining area.  You want your dog walking in and out right where you eat every day?  I don't!  It was also right in the middle of the cut out that would be perfect for built in seating.  I think you see where I'm going with this. 

The ugly doggy door.

Outside view

It is nearly impossible to look past this adorable little boy in the picture!  If you do, the doggy door is under the window, behind the table.  Yes, right where we dine 3 or more times a day. 

I'm happy to announce, the doggy door is gone!  We hired a great company, Platinum Builders to seal up our eye sore.  The were able to accomplish the job one morning with little fuss.  We plan on building built in seating and buying a round table for our family dining area in the next few months.  It will save us so much space. 

I found this DIY project at http://www.mcarthurhomes.com/2013/3/26/1255.

This is exactly what we have on mind.  Perfect, right?  Break out the power tools :)

Two Year Old Problems-Being 2 sucks.

Being 2 is tough.  You're told what to do all day long.  If you're lucky, you get a choice.  Most of the time that choice is limited.  Your parents decide what you wear, when you sleep, when you eat, what you are given to eat, where you go, when you leave, what you watch, when you play, who you get to see, where you sit, and hundreds of other decisions.  Being 2 is tough!  Knowing you can physically do so much more is the hardest part of all.  In my Mommy opinion, this is why two is so 'terrible'.  My little man is capable of so many things, but limited in so many more.  It is easier when they are younger and are clueless of the options the world holds for them.  It is easier when they are older and can actually have many more of those options and freedom.  Then, there's two.  Thankfully, we have taught our guy to ask for what he wants, to use his words, and provide him with options whenever we can.  I'm sure he does not see it this way.  Most meltdowns occur when he can't do or have what he wants.  Ever try reasoning with a two year old?  Impossible!  Until he develops the concept of time and cause/effect, we have "Two Year Old Problems".

-Mom won't let me eat my apple sauce with my fingers- Two Year Old Problems
-Playing in the dog's water bowl gets you banned from the room- Two Year Old Problems
-We spent the last hour at the park and now we have to go home to eat- Two Year Old Problems
-I'm hungry, but have no idea how to communicate this feeling or recognize it as hunger- Two Year Old Problems
-Mom won't let me eat cereal with milk for every meal and cookies for every snack- Two Year Old Problems
-There are 6 Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episodes to choose from and none of them are the one I want- Two Year Old Problems
-The knobs on the stove are 'not for touching' (unless I accidentally run into them, which I do every day)- Two Year Old Problems
-I can't walk backwards without hurting myself- Two Year Old Problems
-My face and hands have to be cleaned after every meal- Two Year Old Problems
-There was a crumb on my hand so, I didn't want to touch anything until I could wipe it off.  Mom didn't like that I used her arm- Two Year Old Problems
-I have to hold my cup with two hands without it falling.  I want to use one and will keep doing it no matter how upset I get when it falls- Two Year Old Problems
-I can't play with every toy at the pool at the same time-Two Year Old Problems
-Batteries are not made to put in your ears or your nose- Two Year Old Problems

Every now and then, Mom gets to be a hero and fix one of these problems.

-My Lion Kind DVD won't play any more and that's the one I really wanted to watch- Two Year Old Problems.

'DA-DA-DA-DA'!  Mom to the rescue!  Have you ever come across those Pins on Pinterest about sending in your damaged Disney DVD's?  Well, it works!  It only took about 2-3 weeks for our new Lion King to come in the mail.  We made a big deal about sending ours off to Mickey Mouse.  I had Del put it in the mailbox.  All I had to do was fill out the form and send my check with the broken DVD.  Nice right?!  The new one came in and Del didn't want to watch it after asking for it for weeks. 

My new Lion King came in the mail and I want to watch Cars instead-Two Year Old Problems :)

Here's the return address for our new DVD.  I just wish they had a cool envelope.

Metabolism-My New Obsession Part 1

I thought it was about time to post an update on my new workout and eating progress.  Well, its has been 6 weeks and things are going fairly well, but not at all as I expected.  You can get caught up with my new plan HERE.  I have learned so much about my body and all of the crazy things I've done to it.  I originally started this new plan with the intent to increase my energy levels and reduce my body fat.  It has become a lifestyle change and potentially finding my passion in life.  

Here's a brief history of my weight loss journey complete with pictures.  Let the embarrassment begin!

I never had a problem with my weight as a child.  I wasn't especially active, but I ate whatever I wanted and stayed a healthy weight.  My favorite foods were Lucky Charms, Kraft mac n cheese, spaghetti, cool ranch Doritos, Nerds candy and bologna on white with mayo.  The average child and pre-teen diet I suppose.  Don't worry, my Mom and Nana always insisted I eat my vegetable and fruit too.

Go Redskins!

I played softball and soccer.

Once I hit puberty, I stopped growing taller and started growing wider.  I knew nothing about working out, calories, and a balanced diet.  I ate pizza, raw cookie dough, canned and frozen foods, and lots of fast food.  I had fun doing it, but I also hated my body.  I refused to wear shorts in the summer time because I was embarrassed by the way my legs looked.  Shopping for clothes was no longer fun.  My friends loved me anyways.

My best friend growing up and myself

My high school graduation

College began and I was on my own.  There was no car to get fast food.  There was no kitchen to cook my own food.  I was petrified of gained the 'freshman 15'.  I worked out a little bit with my roommate, but was still just floating along for the most part.  My meals consisted of pizza, chicken salad sandwiches, muffins or bagels, and other junk.  Now, I was drinking too.  There was plenty of alcohol in my life.  I was probably pushing 150 pounds and living freely.

Always with a beer

I moved home after my first year and started working while commuting to school.  I kept drinking and partying.  I ate out all the time.  I was working out here and there; Pilates and some light cardio.  This trend continued until I met my now husband.  He went to the gym regularly and I joined the gym too.  I would work out occasionally and stopped eating out, partying and drinking as much.  I lost about 15 pounds.

Yet another beer

I had just started dating my now husband (2006)

We bought a fixer upper when I was 24.  I was working full time, out of college and our house was a disaster zone for a few months.  I gained back all of the weight plus five more pounds.  I was a size 14 and back to hating my body.  I no longer worked out regularly (if at all) and we ate out a lot.

Me at my biggest

The company I was working for started a weight loss competition.  I was relatively new to the company and was excited to get involved.  It started in early January and lasted until mid March.  There were weekly weigh ins with prize money for most weight lost based on percentage.  The grand prize was $500!  Yes, I was motivated!

I dropped the weight fast

I did a little research and found out my RMR (resting metabolic rate) was about 1200 calories for my goal weight of 120lbs.  I put that as my base and started to count calories.  I added in the calories I was burning working out.  The local gym became my new home away from home.  This is what my routine looked like:

3 nights a week of an hour of cardio-20min elliptical, 20min crossramp, 20min bike.
1 day of spinning-60 min class
3 days of light lifting

The weight was falling off and I was regularly winning the weekly weigh ins at work.  I was sticking with my calorie goals like glue.  My not yet husband was deployed at the time so, I had lots of free time.  I started reading fitness magazines, doing online searches, and became even more strict with my eating.  I ate a lot of egg white omelets.  Three months in, I had won the contest, but that wasn't enough.  I was addicted to seeing the number on the scale drop.  There was also a catch.  I only got half the money up front.  I had to keep the weight off to get the rest. 

No abs yet, but lots of weight lost

This is where good goes bad.  My man returned home to a 25-30lb leaner woman.  I felt great about myself, but I wanted more.  I increased my cardio to 6 days a week.  I did strength training during my lunch break.  My metabolism was a high powered machine.  I felt like a rockstar.  My goal weight was long gone and I began to set lower goals, push myself harder, and eat even more of a strict diet.  I feared events that involved food.  Eating out was scary and I was usually hungry.  My life revolved around my next low calorie meal or my next workout.  I was dedicated.  I was taking my dedication too far.

One of the best nights of my life.  I said Yes :)

We were now getting married.  My new favorite method of dealing with stress was cardio.  I started doing more at higher resistance for longer period of time.  My workout now looked like this:

6 days a week of 90min steady state, intense cardio mix of spinning and/or elliptical.
7 days a week of strength training at lunch and after my cardio.

I hated my rest days because it meant I had less calories I could eat.  My goal weight was long gone and I was about 110 pounds.  I loved being so thin, but it payed its price.  I lost touch with friends because I never wanted to go out.  Why go out and eat a bunch of food when I could have a healthy meal at home with my fiance?  A lower weight meant new clothes and a lower size.  Others around me saw I was taking it to the extreme.  I got called anorexic looking, boney and other names behind my back and to my face.  I took it all as fuel for my next workout and lost 5 more pounds.  

Holding baby A.  He was so tiny

My bachelorette party

I had so little body fat and could eat anything without gaining much.

Then, life got complicated and very stressful.  We came back from our honeymoon.  I was insanely happy with my new husband, my job, my lower weight and lack of insecurity.  Two weeks later my husband deployed.  Two weeks after that, I was layed-off.  My weight plummeted to about 100 pounds.  When I was bored, I went to the gym or worked out.  I stared binge eating at night and punishing myself at the gym the next couple of days.  My metabolism was officially destroyed.  I had to stop lifting due to a shoulder injury.  I had amenorrhea and wanted a baby.  Life was not all I wanted it to be.  We started fertility treatment once my husband safely returned.  I was at my lowest of low.  My energy levels were shot.  I pushed my body hard through every workout.  Food was guilt and just a number.  I stopped enjoying the little things outside of my workouts.  My stress levels were though the roof.  I loved the body I saw in the mirror.  I was no longer that over weight and insecure girl.  I was in control of my body. and could push it to levels I never thought possible.  Wanting a baby became more important than all of that.  I cut my workouts to 4 days a week.  I increased my calories, but it wasn't enough.  Then, by some sort of miracle, we got a positive pregnancy test.  We were going to have a baby.  Now, what I wanted no longer mattered.  I was carrying the biggest love of my life and this baby needed me. 

4 weeks pregnant

Lots of land. You asked for it!

We wanted a lot more land after living in a townhouse for 5 years.  Well, we got it.  Our house sits on about .75 acres.  Continuing with our theme, the yard had also been neglected for years.  Luckily, it was professionally landscaped at one point.  Clean up was a long and labor intensive project.  Countless bags of yard waste, broken toys, garbage, old rabbit cages, an ugly interior fence and random junk all needed to be torn down and taken to the dump.   

Tons of trash waiting for the trash man.  Dead grass all over the front yard.

One of the many rabbit cages on the right side of the backyard.

Fencing and yard waste waiting for the dump.  See the random building in the back?

It never ends

 Just like Daddy :)

We were rewarded in the end.  Spring came and along with it some surprises.  We have gorgeous flowers popping up in the yard weekly.  There are about a dozen rose bushes, which always make me think of my Nana.  We replaced the broken slide on the play ground.  Little Man received and amazing outdoor play house for his 2nd birthday.  I'll be able to grow my own fruits and vegetables in my planters.  We built these out of the posts from the fence we tore down.  We accomplished a lot more out there than I thought we would.  This summer has been focused on cleaning up and trying to get the grass to grow again.

Play Set with new slide!

Huge Rose Bush/Tree along the path from the driveway to the deck.

My planters built from the posts of the fence.  We kept up part of the fence to plant the roses along.

Cutest little house ever.

Our next big step outside is to cut back all of the plants in the late fall.  I will also relocate all of the roses and some of smaller plants.  These were all planted along the fence we tore down.  They are currently sitting in a line right in the middle of our yard.  

 One of the dozen of roses growing in the middle of the yard.

These spring up out of nowhere and I love them.

All along the deck.

Kitchens and A Summer of Two

The kitchen is easily where I spend most of my waking hours.  I'm either fixing a meal, cleaning up after one, organizing something or planning for the next day.  It all happens in my kitchen.  Lucky for me, I really like it in there.  That's because this was one of the first rooms we renovated.  

When we purchased our house, the kitchen had great bones but needed a lot of work.  The walls were bright yellow.  The cabinets were a beautiful cherry color. Several of the cabinet doors were broken.  The hardware was brass with pink roses.  Worst of all, the countertops were forest green laminate that was falling apart.  The disposal was broken.  The sink was very shallow and worn.  The faucet leaked and had lots of stains from water build up.  It also had stainless steel appliances, a double oven, built in microwave, glass front upper cabinets, tons of storage space, a huge pantry, and a gas stove.  Oh, this is a cooks kitchen.  Here's the before pictures:

This was during the inspection

 Double oven.  The doors were broken and wouldn't stay shut. 

 Island Stove

 Panty with all of their belongings.  Notice the lolly pop stuck to the floor. Lol

Recess Lighting and Open Cabinets

It took a while to get everything clean.  I'm still trying to find a way to get my cabinets to shine.  They are dull from so much wear, but will get there.  We replaced the counter tops with gorgeous granite from United Granite in Elkridge, MD.  I highly recommend them.  They also did the counter tops in our town home.  We put in a huge, deep, stainless steel sink and a new faucet.  The hubby replaced our broken disposal and we changed out the hardware.  We have a thing for brushed nickel hardware and a string distaste for brass.  Did I mention every piece of hardware in our house is brass?!  Finally, I painted.  I wanted to paint first, but I was worried the granite installation would tear up the walls or not be the same hight as the old cabinets.  It was the right choice to wait.  We chose a very light tan to open up the space and compliment our lighter counter tops.  Dark cabinets like ours needed lighter counters and walls.  There is only one window in the main area of our kitchen so, we needed it.  Here is the after picture:

This picture will become the before picture one day.  Here is my kitchen to do list:

-replace the broken doors (3 of the base cabinet doors are cracked and one drawer).

-install a tile backsplash.  

-sand and re-stain the cabinets to make them shine like new and match the new doors.

-find and install a new window treatment.

-paint the pantry, clean the pantry shelves and get more organized.

-replace the dishwasher and refrigerator ( they aren't broken but have their quirks and were not well cared for).  

-replace the floor tile.  Our current tile has lots of hairline cracks and shows every speck of dirt.  It was obviously not installed properly and a poor color choice for a kitchen.  

A girl can dream, right?!  In reality, I might get these things checked off my list in the next 10 years.  OR maybe some HGTV host will show up at my door and do it all for me for free.  I could also win the lottery.  Let's not hold our breath.  This house is a massive undertaking and we have hacked away at the big stuff for the first 6 months.  I think we are ready for a lull in the renovation work.  I will end this post with a few pictures of how the little one and I have been spending our summer days when we can.  

Clark's Farm in Clarksville, MD

Poolside.  Checking out the ladies!

Memorial Day Festival Savage, MD

Building forts with blankets.

Poor guy.  Momma makes him wear this hat.

Members only night at The National Aquarium in Baltimore, MD.

We have also been on a few play dates, used our new Baltimore Zoo Membership and wore out our Lion King DVD.  Summer 2013 is in full swing!